I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
