went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
