yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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