I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
