don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
