Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
