I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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