so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i think my cat just said my name.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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