I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
