Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
