I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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