Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
