You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You can't just leave with hair like that
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
