Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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