i just sent this text using only my big toe
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
