I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
