I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
