Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
smell my finger.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
