The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
