we have officially lost it.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
