Please, let me fuck your mom
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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