Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
