Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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