that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
