I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
