dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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