Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize