would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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