i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
