Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Drake has all the answers
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize