im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
