shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
