please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
birth control should be required to get into college
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
