I think I won the penis lottery.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
