oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
