i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
