If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
should my penis look like a turkey
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
