whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
