god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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