paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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