I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
