Dual....:-)
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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