Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Randomize
