Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
