I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
