mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
