I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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