I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I miss vodka workout Fridays
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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