Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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