I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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