# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
