planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
