But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
