I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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