She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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