I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
