apparently the secret to your success is patron
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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