The maid of honor just puked.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
