I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
