It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
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