Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
