Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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