so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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