i already hear my dad disowning me
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
