Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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