i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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