I'm jealous of your bromance
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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