if i died would you start the facebook group?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize