She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's like iHOP with fire
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It's shark week go big or go home
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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