Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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