Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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